Your mam should've swallowed you ...........

After all the hype and comments I have seen on the new army recruitment campaign I can see the MOD think that some of our soldiers are a touch sensitive and need to make sure everyone is welcomed. After completing 22 years in the infantry and a number of tours I have been given and dished out a fair amount of banter, windups, and charter building jokes, what stands out most is the Army sayings we had in the Green Howards/ Yorkshire regiment and the rest of the infantry.

The time you were most vulnerable was when you first joined other units would give the newly trained soldiers names such as TROG, NIG (New in green) Crow, among others but in my regiment you were know simple as red arse, I once heard the saying went back to the time when the uniform of the first choice (the army not the travel agent) was red jackets and white trousers known as the thin red line and the saying came from all the marching the red dye would run onto the white trousers  hence the name of my battalion was Red Arse.  There was lots more sayings and character building comments the red arses would come accustomed to.

One liner to someone who had not completed an operational  tour

I was in Bagdad when you were in your Dads Bag.

I was in the dead ground when you were in the playground

I was in when there were needing them and not feeding them

I was taking cover behind hesco ! While you were in Tesco

Spent longer in the NAAFI queue

His number isn't dry yet,

Does your mam know you’re here

Quick one-liners when arguing with someone in the army

I'll hit you so many times you think you are surrounded

I will hit you so hard, you will fall down twice

I'll hit so hard you will wake up next week

Hit you so hard you will wake up in wards 3, 4 and 5...

Hit you so hard you will come down with snow on your head

Hit you so hard you will wake up in a different postcode!!!

On the drill square is where you learnt  teamwork and discipline and to march as formed body of men, however, the practice for any parade  or would mean hours and hours of square bashing,  Drill movement is also used in riot control situations to ensure all personnel react to a single word of command  however if you did a drill movement incorrectly or turned up on the parade square in bad order you would hear the words Get him away and that meant a visit with the Provo staff, But as you swaggered around the drill square you would hear a number of motivational words of encouragement.

Belt and beret off  pick up the shell

Thicker than a whale omelette

You don’t need the brains of an archbishop 

What did you iron that shirt with a mess tin

when I say left your left foot hits the ground it's not rocket science 

I was changing arms when you were growing arms 

Drill a pill  has to be taken twice a day

Doesn't know if he on this earth or fullers earth

What’s that on your top lip, has it died

The best part of you ran down ya Mothers leg

left leg is known as L, your right leg is known as R, my timings....LRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRL.......

Sarge???? there's only one Sarge ...and that’s a F*"!G Sosarge